Thousand Reasons Thursdays - Part 10 (Part 2!)

Thank you for your patience! I apologize for keeping you all in suspense for so long! I wanted to post this last month for our son’s 23rd birthday, but God had other plans - more on that in the newsletter! For now, I hope you find this installment satisfies your anticipation!

In 30 seconds, the lights were on and a team of nurses and doctors were in my room. I felt like I was in a dream. Nurses were trying to keep me calm as activity buzzed all around me. My mind began to shut down. In my head, I was screaming, Help, Help, what is happening to my baby! It’s too soon!! Waves of mind-altering pain racked my body as it prepared itself to give birth to this tiny person.

Casey was wide awake now and really confused about what was happening. A nurse explained the baby was coming, and so he got into position by my side to coach me.

Now someone was helping me scoot my bottom to the end of the birthing bed, legs up in stirrups, and nurses encouraging me to push NOW! I was so scared. It was going to hurt, so i pushed a little bit. I didn’t know what I was doing. We didn’t have time to go to birthing classes. I was going off of what i had seen in movies and tv shows!!

“Come on, Julee, I know you can do better than that! Now give us a big push - everything you got!”

And so I went for it...3 pushes later, our baby entered the world. There was a mad dash to the other side of the room. The delivery doctor told us they had to work on him...wait - “What did we have? Boy or girl?”

“Oh! You are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy! He’s very tiny and so we’ve got him on the warming bed, and are checking to make sure everything’s ok.” Casey and I looked at each other, tears streaming down our faces with joy and worry at the same time. We had a son!

“Do you know what you’ll be naming him?”

Casey and I looked at each other again. We had tirelessly discussed this topic since the first day we found out I was pregnant.

“Paxton, his name is Paxton Joseph-James Wilson.”

The nurse gave a quick smile and jotted a note on my record, obviously mentally preoccupied with what was going on behind her.

Then, more people were coming into the room, connecting and unconnecting wires and things, and then rushing the warming bed out of the room. “Wait! Where are you taking my baby? I want to see him!!”

“We have to take him to the NICU immediately and get him in an isolette to keep him warm and continue monitoring him. Let’s get you cleaned up, and rested, and you can see him later. Dad, you can follow us to the NICU.”

And with that they all left, except for a nurse or two who helped with the aftermath of the birthing process. I again felt like I was watching a movie. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t happening. I felt disconnected and alone - empty. I let them clean me up and tell me what was happening and that I needed to rest. I’d be able to see our baby in a little bit. I heard them but it was just voices and sounds swirling around my head. They left, and I fell in and out of a restless sleep for the next couple of hours, fatigued physically from the process of childbirth, but mentally restless and anguished about my new baby and the future. I just wanted to hold him and look at him.