Plans continued to change for Paxton and his going home. He actually "outgrew" the NICU! He was not a newborn any more, but was still too sick to go home - so they transferred us to the Pediatric ICU! The hospital was so large that it had several campuses (locations throughout San Francisco), specializing in specific areas. The PICU was on a different campus clear on the other side of the City!
7/22/99
Well, what an exciting day you had yesterday!! We moved you to the PICU at the Pacific Campus. You went for your 2nd ambulance ride! This time you were awake for it & and you weren't scared at all!! You tolerated it very well & settled in nicely. You have your own room & Mommy has a cot & can stay with you, take a nap, eat, etc. with you! It's wonderful here! You seem to like it too!
I was so focused on Paxton's care and well-being, none of these changes seemed to phase me at the time. Looking back on all of this, it seems like utter chaos to me on the surface. How did I mentally handle all of this?? All I can say is that God's grace is truly sufficient! He had His hand on me/us, even when I neglecting meeting with Him daily in His word and prayer, even when my focus was on the technicalities of Paxton's medical care and figuring out how to "fix" things by being his advocate. My focus was becoming a problem at this point. It was in the wrong place. All I cared about was getting Paxton home - MY way. I stopped listening to God.
Have you been there, Friend? Are you there now? Are you so focused on the temporal chaos around you that you've stopped seeking the One who can calm the chaos and give you peace in the midst of the storm? Stop what you're doing right now, and call out to Him. Confess your focus has been on the wrong things, and ask Him to help you trust in Him and His Word. He's waiting to hear from you!
Thank you for another inspiring post!